the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
