I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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