It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
