remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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