I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
