So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
