She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The adults are the big ones right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
