You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sarcasm needs its own font
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love having hate sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
