dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
