Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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