I want to walk on stilts...naked
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
