So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
