I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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