I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
