dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
