Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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