How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's blow job season.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
