never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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