Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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