she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
