i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
