a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
where am i from again
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
As shirtless as possible
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
