and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm like, not good at living.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
