you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
