hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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