Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
