Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
