grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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