yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
