Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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