I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
