JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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