Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
