i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
