Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
