Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
