Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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