Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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