Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
