SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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