you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
