He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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