It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
