His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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