He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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