I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
