either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
