Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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