You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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