It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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